Saturday, March 6, 2010
photo byOblivious images
....sometimes you can meet someone and feel a deep connection, sometimes you can know someone most of your life and have no connection at all. These sensations get me thinking, WHY?
Most people don't realize i go through bouts of deep deppression!i hide it very well. I know my life is great, yet i will let one persons words shatter me, i am working on not letting these opinions effect me so deeply, ITS HARD!
I am very giving, outgoing and for the most part a joyful individual. This year is going to mark my 37th year on planet earth! feeling undestructable to feeling vulnarable makes you a fragile rollercoaster.I have so much love, kindness and admiration in my life, you'd think i am stronger than i am, well i am not.
sometimes my strong will gives me an air that will intimidate others thus they feel they need to knock me down when in reality i am as genuine as can be.This has made me weary of closeness, which is something i have NEVER felt before! ever!
so i spend alot of time in my room creating sewing,drawing, writing, reading,thinking,listening to music,watching obscure films.
this last year has been the ultimate emotional avalanche.
I will get great news, a superb gift, an astounding oppurtunity, yet there are certain people in my world that will say one word and it shatters me.
in the past it never bothered me , yet with time, it is effecting my innards!
My passion at the moment is the south! Walking alone through the old streets, crumbling cemetaries, iced coffee,vodka and the mississippi!
haunted mansions,aged doors,smoke filled rooms with music to balance out the clutter!
I keep dreaming ahead and know the path , career and life i created is gaining strength! it keeps my head up, i am eager for the next level in my work to take off. which can only come with preserverence!
the last 12 monthes or so alot of change in my immediate social circle shifted, disbanned, rebirths andevacuation in general! I know i am hybernating for the next era to begin, new beginings, new experiences.
I started this about connections, i periodically will meet someone and just feel such a closeness! i can come on pretty strong and generously, i just wonder what the connection is stemmed from?