I had my (Tarot)therapy session on Thursday with my tarot sister!
I have so many changes occuring, new paths to explore it is quite overwhelming!The cards were right on "as usual".
I sometimes wanna just throw my hands up and completely stop it all, everything!!!!!
I ask myself why?
why am i compelled to create?
I joke with others and tell them that it is to "disguise my insanity"! if it was really 1927 i would definatley be institutionalized.
Sometimes i feel i love to much, care to much and worry about the happiness of others, my tarot reader said that is my blessing and partly why i am so prolific.
But again the question is why?
When I let Miss Oblivious go and let Kook Teflon in it was a releif! Though many still look in my eyes and call me "Miss O' she is gone and left a huge impression on my persona and my work. She developed my art.
I swear to never be jaded, to embrace everything life has to offer! I never dreamt in a million years i'd be a mother, a wife , a rational thinker, all that has always frightened me. I was the young queer,non-breeder, gonna blow up the world kinda gal!!!!!
i am still 2 out of 3 which ain't bad for an almost 39 year old lady.
My birthday is in about 3 weeks (May Day), i stand back every-year and reflect on who i was, who i am and who i want to be, well never that planned out, but the older i am, the more i realize i have kept alot my ideals/inspirations, but mostly i am still here documenting my beautiful friends their costumes,past times,performances,aging and ideas. Basically I proudly worship all my friends, yet I can honestly say I only relate to a handful, I love having friends with different ideals and habits.
I didn't turn 30
and give up on thrifting,
i don't yearn to be a home-owner,
I can care less whats new at Target or at the mall,
i still don't try to be pretty ( I'm just a sea hag on the prairie in love with the swamps),
i still dye my hair,
i still dance with death looking it deeply in its dark eyes and handle bar moustache,
i still seek strange experiences and
i will always be surrounded 100 % by wild woman,drag queens and curious children.
They keep me breathing!
At times I unveil a side of myself most have not met. I allow the "ancestors","ol timey spirits" to live through me. It normally ends in shame and a fog.
As a child i was told by a celebrity psychic (my moms friend from the Enquirer) that this would happen, she put her hands on my 10 year old face and looked deeply into my bright blue eyes as the sun shined brightly behind her which made her angelic as she sincerely told me , "You will outshine and break many hearts without intent". I have lived many lives in this state.
Dancing around the fire, enticing the outcasts , protecting the misunderstood, placing a pedastool beneath the most couragous freaks. Again they keep me breathing.
I really hate it when people tell me "oh you like everyone" no! i just don't judge everyone!!! I accept you "as you" , not what I think you should be or who you know, there is a huge difference, again i see and i feel the beauty within. Unless your a homophobe,child abuser,womanizer or rapist I will give u a chance!
I really don;t know where i am going with this rant?
oh yeah my cards from my reading the other day (excuse my emotional rollarcoaster I am listening to HOLE)
Its my retrograde "KOOKs"-So i am arriving at a 4 way intersection when I am taking a different route, some new projects? reviving some old ones? I will be producing a few music videos over the summer(i took 2 years off) I am ready to film again, also I am starting a new zine that will be titled " REGAL HAGzine" I don't wanna reveal to much yet but I will say that I have some pretty amazing confirmed contributors so far! I plan on releasing the first issue for Pride Weekend!!
DOLLS DOLLS DOLLS of course! I am working on an installation for "The Punk Rock Museum" July 15th in Hollywood
I am thrilled that my efforts with Vockah Redu are moving forward! I went to my first (sissy)bounce show in 2009 in New Orleans with Big Freeda/Rusty Lazer/Sissy Nobby and my mind was blown, in 2010 I happened to have a shared night with Vockah Redu at The Allways Lounge and he became a close friend and I was determined to get him some manger/production assistance. BOOM!! by 2011 he was signed to the Fred agency and I am very proud of the video produced and am looking forward to all his success he is truley a shining star filled with spirit magic and sweetness!!!
The teflon Sister zine 2 is complete and available!
I wanna live in New Orleans soooo bad, but I don't wanna leave the NW either, and SF/LA is home and oh so alluring. It is difficult and emotional I have such strong bonds and they pull at my heart!
I am in a lull, I am numb at times and then i feel alive with thunder! I AM A MIXED TIME BOMB!!! hahaha
I have my new music project that really excites me! The Witches Titties!!!!!!
my question is "what will happen with all my photographs, documentation"? Sometimes I feel noone really cares, i will never be good enough or as good as "soandso", then the big part of me says "FUCK 'em" i don't wanna be like anyone else anyways .................................
So as I enter my 39th year in this shell- in this body- in this form, i will love my beautiful family with all my heart & soul, cherish my friends and document it all in the meantime....
and if your still reading this "Bless you"